The toughest day

Yesterday, around 7:45 am, at our morning flag-raising ceremony, our Headmistress announced in front of the whole school, that a student was found trying to kill herself on Sunday. My stomach instantly went into my mouth. What?! In an angry tone, she then demanded that students not concern themselves with "romance issues." Apparently, most staff presume this young girl was led to this desperate attenmpt due to being troubled by a break-up with her boyfriend. Cultural side note: having a boyfriend or girlfriend is strictly prohibited here, especially at boarding schools where "romance" can lead to pregnancy in a blink of an eye...and pregnancy translates into students being expelled.

Following this disturbing tangazo, a male and female member of our Journalism club proceeded to announce school news - about the netball team being "too lazy" and losing their matches the previous week, as well as mentioning the suicide attempt - at which everyone laughed. I was furious. Raging, I asked to enter the flag circle for an announcement of my own. I begged the male journalism club student to please not make inappropriate announcements as he had just done. Calling our netballers (all girls mind you) "lazy" is completely unacceptable and unfair. Not to mention rude. Why aren't we encouraging one another, I asked the 185 students and 43 staff members? The netballers may not be winning, but they are making the school proud in trying. We need a spirit of encouragement on this campus, not discouragement, I said firmly.

I returned to stand with the staff, still enraged, my blood boiling...and remained in this state the rest of the day. Still am, to be honest. How could we make suicide a laughing matter? How do you think the girl felt who tried to kill herself as these announcements were made about her? Perhaps this is cultural, that the sanctity of life is less in a place where death occurs constantly, without explanation. Laughing at it may be the only consolation they have. But it'll never be humorous to me. Never. As someone who's lost friends and family to suicide, I am deeply pained when I hear of young people weighed down to the point that they'd rather not live. That utter sense of hopelessness DESTROYS me. Moreover, as a social worker here, this is why I'm here - to instill hope in our students, to support and love on them. I felt like a failure, personally and on behalf of the school community - that we had all failed this girl somehow.

Meanwhile, my Tanzanian cohorts were/are still blaming this girl for being involved in "romance." It was as if it was her fault having these desperate feelings. I wonder if her feelings have ever been validated...if she's EVER been listened to and had someone say, "I'm so sorry. I feel you. I hear you." My inclination is to think that no - never has she expressed her fears or been felt/truly heard. And this sense of feeling so alone, led her to do what she did.

Needless to say, the cultural differences involved in the response to such an incident frustrate me to no end. Death - particularly suicide - is a totally different entity in this culture. So, how will we respond as a school, as teachers, as staff? Will we reach out more to the students? Will we look internally, each of us, as to how we can be better "mothers" and "fathers", "sisters" and "brothers" to our students? Or will we blame this poor girl for her hopelessness, jamani. I pray it's not the latter.

As one person walking upstream, I'm fighting a very strong cultural current. I can't help but wonder how much difference I can make on this campus. But I'll keep fighting all the same for what is right, for what God stands for - building one another up, love, justice, equality, hope - to name a few. I will not give up. And I will do my best to not allow my students to do so either.

"Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Rejoice. Change your ways. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you."
*2 Corinthians 13:11